Oh hai thar Skyward Sword, meet my skyward finger.

Oh Nintendo... If video games were hookers then you would be my first pimp. Ah, thinking about those first experiences with hookers and pimps video games and Nintendo brings some great memories to mind.

Thinking about The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is like remembering the hooker game that gave me that horrible case of AIDS carpal tunnel. You know, the one that you don't know why you did it but it seemed like a good idea at the time? Yeah, that is Skyward Sword... Playing it sounds like a good idea at first, but trust me, you will regret it.

The game isn't all bad though and I am loath to admit that Nintendo did succeed in giving me at least a few nuggets of fun in this otherwise large piece of been-there-done-that crap.

The Good.


Link has learned a thing or too from Assassins Creed...

The first thing that I absolutely loved about SS (Skyward Sword) is the new use of the A button. Holding down A lets you sprint and run up walls. It might sound like nothing but being able to sprint around just makes the game feel a little more evolved. Really, after 25 years they need something fresh as far as controls go, and I don't just mean waggling a remote to swing your sword. As much as I love the more obtuse Zelda titles like Wind Waker and Four Swords, the realistic direction with the game is the one I believe will stand out as a real gem among Nintendo's cutesy, cartoony games. Now, I know that being able to sprint has nothing to do with the art style, but it goes a long way towards making the game feel a little more realistic.

It really doesn't affect your game (at all), but the upgrade system has good intentions.

Another awesome (although borrowed) idea was the upgrade system. The spirit of the upgrade system was just an amazing improvement for a Zelda game. I say the spirit of it because while the intention was a good one, the final product turned out to be a bit meh, but we'll get to that... Anyways, new systems like this are going to play a huge part in keeping old IP's like Zelda alive. The problem when Nintendo tries to add a new system of gameplay (Spirit Tracks horrible train sequences anyone?) they usually make it gimmicky and largely unimportant. However, with this system, I think they can evolve it to a point where it really feels like new items can advance your characters power through upgrades, rather than new items just serving as yet another key to advance through a dungeon.

Like a boss...

The final good thing that really stood out to me was the boss fights. Let's be honest. No one likes it when you get to some badass boss that looks like it's about to use you for floss only to discover that it is almost insultingly easy and dies in three hits. I feel like boss difficulty has always been an issue with Zelda games. To me, a boss is the reward for solving all the puzzles of a new dungeon. It is that one final challenge that makes you feel like a "skilled" gamer when you finally defeat it. Bosses going down too easy feels cheap and kind of like a waste of time. If its going to just fall over dead when I sneeze at it why have it guarding that final treasure at all? SS gets boss difficulty just right. I always found myself, at least the first time, barely defeating bosses with just a heart or two remaining. They were challenging, and not because of horrible controls or cheap gimmicks, but because they were balanced just right. More bosses like these in the future please!

The Bad.


Oh the bad. There is so much of it that it is hard to pick out just a few issues to discuss, but I'll try hard...

There is a 85% chance that Fi will make you want to pull your hair out.


Fi. The creepy robotic-fairy-ai-construct-thing that lives in your sword. It is your companion in this game and it will be damned if it lets you play for 15 seconds with out telling you that the item you are looking for has an 80% chance of being where she just told you it would be. Nintendo, since when did you start making video games for those on the Hellen Keller impairment level? Yes, sometimes it is nice to be pointed in the right direction but seriously, Fi, shut the #%@* up for two minutes and just let me play the game. A simple hint-toggle option would have fixed this issue and greatly improved my game experience.

"You will use our gimmiky motion controls and you will LOVE IT." -Nintendo


The controls for SS make me want to drown a kitten. In fact, I had to keep a steady supply beside my tub while playing this game so that I wouldn't do something even more drastic, like this. There are so many enemies that make you swing your sword in a precise direction, or they will counterattack, which hurts. A lot. The idea of precise swordplay is cool and all, but lets think about this. A giant stalfos knight just sprung to life and is trying to chop you to pieces. You instinctively start swinging like hell trying to kill this thing only to realize after two or three hits from it that you are dead. So you go back, calm down, and try to swing your sword in the correct direction but SURPRISE!!!! The Wii's controls suck (there is no getting around this) and the sword almost never goes in the direction you intend. So you get counterattacked three times and, yup, you are dead. Again. When you get to some of the actually difficult bosses and mini bosses (Mechanical Pirates will forevermore infuriate me) the game shows how terrible all this directional sword swinging bull crap is.

Nintendo, please, for the love of God, please just go back to a regular controller. You know, the ones that have worked for years. Stop trying to be different. No one likes you or thinks you are special because you are different. We all just play your games because they say Zelda or Mario, not because of all your "innovative" (read: annoying) control schemes.

Go collect that item, then get to the dungeon, then collect that item, then fight the boss. Repeat about 10 times.


The last issue I will blabber about is the same one I have had with Zelda titles for the last few years. The formula of go get x item to get to y place is old. The small key, map, compass, big key format is tired. While SS tries to shake it up by merging the compass into the map and changing the big key into a (yet another annoying) puzzle (with yet more horrible controls), it all feels like I have done this before. How many more games of this can I take before I say screw it, Zelda is dead? Not many.

Final Score: 6/10

So, that's about it. If you are a hardcore Zelda fan then get this game for sure. You know you would anyways, no matter how terribad it is. For people curious about the Zelda IP I would recommend avoiding this game like the plague and instead trying out a classic success such as A Link to the Past or Ocarina of Time.

Here is to hoping the next Zelda game for the Wii U is a bit more awesome.